u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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