i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A bitchslap is in order.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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