Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The power of my boobs compel you
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
