Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
