So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
