We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
