So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
