My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
