Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she smelled like a LAN party
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
