I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
