I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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