Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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