he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
