Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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