I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
