i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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