i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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