I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
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