I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
