i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
