I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
