Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
