hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
