and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
