Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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