It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
