Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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