You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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