Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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