So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
