So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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