shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
