I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
