Dual....:-)
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sext me about skeletons
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
