I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
