I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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