So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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