I want to stick my p in your. b.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
