I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
