i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
