I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
