Do you still have your period?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
