Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
