is your mom at the bar?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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