i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
