He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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