I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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