I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
