Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
