somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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