there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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