God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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