alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We got so high we made milksteak
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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