I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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