Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
