so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
