Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
