Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
