Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize