I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
