i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
