I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
