If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
