Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
