you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
