so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
