just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The air was thick with penises
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
