He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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