im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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