she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
