Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I intend to get homeless drunk
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
