Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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