I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
