When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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