Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
